Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
