Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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