When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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