woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
