i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
