This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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