very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize