She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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