lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
