Nicole vs. Life
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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