no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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