i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
