Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
