great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
