all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
