The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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