Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
