my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
