i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
