Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
