Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize