i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
