thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
