conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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