I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
