so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
