is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
