I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i would punch a child for taco bell
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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