so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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