Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
