So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
