We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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