i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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