Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
