Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
