I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
