woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
