Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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