her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
