I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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