Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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