I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
