I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
