Having a random hookup so left but love u
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
