from now on my penis is your penis
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
