I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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