We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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