Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
