Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize