I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
