i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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