we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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