Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
