We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
