I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
