Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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