You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
