I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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