yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
