My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
