I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
