Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
