I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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