I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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