I faked an abortion last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize