How'd it feel making her break her religion?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's always time for handjobs
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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