wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
