I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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