Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
