just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
