apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
