i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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