she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We need a shit load of segways right now
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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