I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
high people should be assigned attendants
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
