Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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