I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Actions speak louder than pants.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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