i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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