He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
