I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
