come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize