You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
