just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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