Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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