I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had to coat check the pizza.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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