I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
