Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
where are you?
Hypothermia
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
